The Bad Check-Up
The Bad Check-Up Season 2, Episode 31 ''' Glen no longer can drive his RV, while Noel tells everyone they should work out. '''Cast (in order of appearance): Segments: DVD: Transcript Opening Segment In The Lodge (Harold is sitting at card table folding envelopes; Glen is laying on the sofa moping; Bill is fixing a bucksaw behind the sofa) Glen: Life stinks, and that's the whole deal. Life stinks. Harold (mumbling): Ya, just ask your feet. Glen: What's that? Harold: Oh, I said you should be up on your feet. You know, moving around, The ol' circulation goin' Glen: Why? Docter just gave me a death sentence Harold. That's what it is ya know a death sentence. She might as well pull out a shotgun, put it beside my head, and blow it right off. Harold: I don't think general practicionors can do that! Hwuh huh huh huh. She only said your outta shape. She didn't say your'e gonna die, Glen! Glen: She said I couldn't drive my RV anymore, I mean, it's, it's worse than dying! Phfftt I mean WHAT ELSE do I have in my life? Harold: Well You own and operate the only marina for 20 miles! Glen: Ya, but it's on the lake. (Noel walks in) Noel: Bill! Have ya' seen Glen Brackston? (see him on sofa) Oh! (Jumps over sofa & Glen to other side) Hey, Glen-O, huh? Hey, up 'n at 'em! Hut, hut, hut, Let's go at it! Glen: Drop dead, Noel. I'm about to. Noel: Hey! Shape up, man. We're gonna get you back in the driver's seat! Look what I brought! (runs over and picks up tube-like object.) Harold: Whoohoo! Woh! I've heard about these diets! I'de rather stick your fingers down my throat! Noel: This happens to be a simple, portable, muscle machine. Let me demonstrate. (put's middle of tube under foot; pulls ends upwards) Pull. Pull. (It slips ant hits him in the privates) Puy! Glen: (Noel breathes hard and stumbles around) So what? I gotta sack myself with a hose, to get in shape Noel? Noel: (still stumbling around) No. Aah. No no that was an accident. Hahw. But, aah, I can garauntee, that in 2 week, you can have a body like mine! Glen: O, great! He's gonna saw off my legs!'' '' Noel: How fun. Thank you very much! I'll have you know, mister, (poses) that i'm in terrific shape. Harold! Come on over here. Try to hurt me! Harold: Hwuh. No! No no no no. No, I know this one this is where you tear out my heart 'n show it to me before I die. I think enough girls done that to me already, thanks very much. Noel: Smart lad. Red! (Red walks in) come on. Try to hurt me. Red: Alright. Your short 'n ya can't get a date. Noel: I meant physically. Red: No thanks. I'm gettin' a drink. Noel: Bill! Get over here. Try to hurt Me. (Bill strolls over and in one swift movement kicks Noel in the knee, then walks away) Noel: Hwah! 0w! (stumbles around; Glen chuckles) I meant with your hands! Wow! I wasn't Ready! Glen: Heheh. Hey, if you were gonna get mugged, they'd have to phone ahead & make a reservation! Heheh! Eddie: Okay! (eddie appears in screen) Who'd like a butter tart. (looks around, everyone else pretends to ignore him) {sigh} Store bought! (Everyone suddenly gets up to get one) Everyone Simultaniously: Oh yeah. Sure, I'de love one. Sounds great. Excellent! (Noel screams 'Hiya' & karate kicks the platter straight up out of Eddie's hands) Eddie: ARE YOU CRAZY?!? HALF MY BUTTERTARTS ARE STUCK TO THE CEILING! '' ''Noel: This man (points at glen) does not need a Buttertart! Okay? Ya might as well have taken one and jammed it right into his heart! Eddie: I'DE LIKE TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE THINGS AND JAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT! THOSE TOOK ME TWO HOURS AND NINE POUNDS OF FLOUR! Glen: I thought you said they were store bought? Eddie: O well you wouldn't have noticed the diferrence! Noel: I'll have you know, Glen, has given up junk food. Glen: Woo. Woo. Noel. Since When? Noel: Since you decided to lose 20 pounds 'n shape up, ya pathetic blubber butt! (Harold giggles) Glen: (turns and looks at harold) What are you laughing at, Tubby? Harold: huh, who ME? Glen: Ya look, you got a body like a sack of tapioca! (eddie laughs and yells Tapioca!) Harold: Oh, Yeah! You should talk eddie! Eddie: Who, Me? Harold: Yes, You! The Government asks ya to list your first three ingredients, you'd have to list Fat, Fat, Fat! Eddie: (Red laughs) And what are YOU laughing at! Red: Who me? Eddie: Ya, I mean, you put on another five pounds you'd have a gravitational field! (Bill chuckles) Red: what are you laughing at. Don't say who me. You wear those jeans out one more time you'd have nine separate pieces of denom! Noel: okay. Okay! Alright I think we established that your'e all a little overweight. SO CAN WE GET STARTED! Now, asume this position! (poses) Red: Well, let's just asume I asumed it. Oh, and don't dent the floor you guys. (red walks away) Noel: Okay. Fine. Harold. Bill. Brackston. (Glen Lies down on sofa again) Are we not going to turn our bodies into (poses again) Lethal Weapons? Campfire Song At Night you'll see the men sittin' out on the porch '/ '''Chewin n' spittin in the light of a propane torch '/ They chew n they spit till the morning light /''' In the future when they eat muskrat they'll remember to marinade it first ''/ Handyman Corner Category:Season 2 episodes